Author Topic: Training Family Members  (Read 7891 times)

Offline Serene

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Training Family Members
« on: October 22, 2004, 06:32:08 PM »
Good Afternoon:

I believe I was harder on Tyler because he was my son.

At the time I didn't think I was harder on him. However, now that I am teaching full time I've realized I was harder on him.

I wonder now had I been kinder back than if he would of continued? Hard lesson for the instructor/parent. It is something I must live with.  The good news he found his passions boxing and football.  ;D

I see many people being trained or promoted by family members. Is it or was it hard for you too?   ??? ::)

If I had a second chance to train my son I believe I would decline.  Instead, I would ask one of my seniors to take him.

I love my son very much and I know it would be a conflict for both of us. It's hard enough being his mom. I don't think he wants me as an instructor too. ;)

Soifua,
Sifu Serene Terrazas
Head Instructor
Terrazas Kajukenbo
American Canyon, Ca.

Offline John Bishop

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2004, 07:09:36 PM »
In a interview I did with Ernie Reyes Sr. a few years ago, he made a statement that stuck with me.  

"In the old days we trained everyone with a only the strong survive attitude.  And the weak ones just didn't last.  But now I realize that the weak ones were the ones that really needed the martial arts.  So we still train hard, but we work the new people in a little slower."    
John Bishop  8th Degree-Original Method 
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Offline Serene

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2004, 12:50:11 AM »
Chris, Chris, Chris - feeling better I see.

I see how you are now - hit a sistah when shes down.  :P

Alright that's it I'm telling your instructor. >:(

Oh :o wait I believe that's your uncle right?! :o lol

Those that are reading don't be offended this is not trash talking this is straight up family talken. ;D Chris knows how we do it - don't ya.

Chris - that's Auntie Serene to you. :P ;)


Soifua,


Sifu Serene Terrazas
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Terrazas Kajukenbo
American Canyon, Ca.

Kaj_minn

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2004, 06:07:45 PM »
 ;)  Auntie, Auntie, Auntie

You are correct my uncle is my instructor LOL  ::)   :P  and what about it?   LOL   All is good now I guess I got to put up with you too   :o   Being family to your instuctor It is very hard because they expect more from you but not more than say a son I say.  Shodanson had to put up more on the table than me and Eric and he had to work a lot harder than we did the one thing was that Kai never gave up and took it you got to want it to get it and with his schedule at the time I don't know how he did it.   Yes I'm doing better thank you and getting back to where I was.  


Your nephew,

Chris   :P    ;)

Offline kadena

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #4 on: October 24, 2004, 10:48:08 PM »
Would it be just as hard or harder to train your significant other?

On a different topic, what would you do if your sifu started dating one of the students in the class? Do you ignore it as long as it's not affecting your training? Is it really none of your business?
Janette, green belt, Gaylord Method, Seven Star Women's Kung Fu

Offline John Bishop

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2004, 08:52:55 PM »
Hey Sigung John  ::)  
I didn't know you were related to Ernie Reyes.

Shodanson

 No, we're not related ;).   I just thought his philosophy was applicable to the way we as parents sometimes push our kids a little harder then the other students.
My two sons also did karate for about 4 years when they were young, and then chose to pursue other interests.
I think when a parent first comes to the realization that their dreams and goals may not be the same as their childrens dreams and goals, it can be very frustrating.  But when you accept that and put your energy and support into helping your children realize and achieve their own goals, you build a lasting relationship of love and respect.  My sons are 29 and 27 now, and they call me to talk almost everyday.
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"You watch, once I'm gone, all the snakes will start popping their heads up!"  Sijo Emperado

Offline Serene

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2004, 01:52:19 PM »
My reasons behind training my son harder was so that others would never say that he got a free ride.

Automatically the perception of family teaching family is we think they get something for free. I wanted to make sure that clearly Tyler did his job so there would be no misunderstandings.

Unfortunately, I have seen family teaching family who did get a free ride. I learned early on not to make the same mistakes. So training family members can go either way.

It's one of those things that happens. I guess whichever we choose it must be a choice that we can live with. I can live with my choices.

Kadena:
Wow - seen that too. I'll comment later. ;)

Soifua,
Sifu Serene Terrazas
Head Instructor
Terrazas Kajukenbo
American Canyon, Ca.

Offline Brandi Ross

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2004, 02:12:23 PM »
Everyone has had great things to say.  I'm glad I looked at this thread....

Kajushodan: awesome job in what you are doing.  It takes strength to teach family members and you have lots of it.  Your love and passion for the art is amazing.  Keep up the great work with all your students.  I'm sure that they are learning well.

Shodanson: I've seen the passing of students on to other BB for testing.  I can see why you're doing what you are doing.  My Sigung did the samething with both his sons.  He didn't want arguing and misconceptions floating around.  I wonder what will happen with the grandkids...  Anyways, I like the way you are handling it.  My hat is off to you.

Kadena: good comments and waiting for another thread to come up on that one...

To Everyone who teaches family: my hat is off to you.  That is something difficult to do and you are willing to take that challenge.  Keep up the good work and keep it real.

One last comment: family makes us who we are.  Don't ever lose that.  Remember how valuable family is, because it's too late to say our "I Love you's" when they are gone.  Please, take a moment to say something nice to family every chance you get.  It will brighten their day as well as yours.

Aloha,
brandi
« Last Edit: October 26, 2004, 02:51:37 PM by triwahine »
Brandi Ross
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Offline Wado

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2004, 02:39:23 PM »
My son has a hard time focusing in class when I am around. Recently I have started training him outside of class with the same discipline expected in class, and he is still expected to go to class.

It is just a theory, but I hope that if he is disciplined in the home environment, he can more easily be disciplined in school, the dojo, or any other environment.

I don't have him bow and do everything, but I have him start with warmups just like in class to the count rather than go directly to what he wants, which is usually sparring or showing me some new move he made up.

I will give this a month to see how it works out. Like I said, we just started this.
W. Yamauchi
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Seattle, Washington

sigungjoe

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2004, 04:09:34 PM »
I know when I teach my son he usually feels like I am picking on him or puting him down. The latest thing that I am trying is to pair him up with older students who understand the father son thing. That way after class if he feels picked on, he can talk to these people to see what their point of view on the situation was. usually they can straighten him out.
Another thing I do is to make sure that he trains with his uncles to be well rounded as well as learn the history of the arts. People like GM Ted Sotelo, Gm Bill Ryusaki, Dai Shihan Ted Tabura, Sigung Mockie Gaming all take turns working with him. And he has learned to uke for his Auntie Serene.
But until he gets older, I have a feeling that no matter what I say, he will feel picked on. i know I did when my pops taught me.

Offline Sifu Sin Bin

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2004, 06:30:49 PM »
Being that I am familiar with both sides of this question I guess I should add my own two cents.  As a child my father tried to train me and my brothers and gave up rather quickly, he eventulally turned the duty over to G.M. Bautista, I remeber behaving much better for G.M. than I did for my Father.
   As I began to raise my own family I tried to teach my own children and ran into the same thing my father did and also what others here have realized, and that is, it is a two fold problem.
   First, as the parent you do tend to put more expectations on your own child. You expect them to know what you expect from a student, and it manifests itself into short tempers and complete shutdown of communications.
    As a child, you don't give the respect due to your parent. You don't put 100 percent of your effort into it and you always assume that your parent is never this hard on other students.
  I, like Kai, have also attmepted to train my wife. That went roughly at first for the same reasons as mentioned above, but we were able to sit down and hammer out some basic understandings about how each of us would conduct ourselves in class.
   First, she was always to address me as Sifu, and I would address her with her proper title. Second, she would never question me in front of other students (it seems that the day to day relationship of husband and wife was not conducive to a teacher student protocol) once we established our guidelines and we discussed why it had to be this way it went much better.
    I then decided to give this same concept to my children, it went better but still not the same as an outside student.
   Since then I have decided as many others have, to give the direct teaching duties over to someone I trust and just oversee their development with little inputs here and there.
   Another topic I agree with Kailee on is the giving of rank to my spouse, when it came time for her to receive a promo, I let my instructor take responsibility.
    I hope my words have helped.
Professor Rob Peladeau
8th Degree - KSDI #672
Loyal Student and lifelong friend of
Grand Master Emil Bautista
NorCal Headquarters of K.S.D.I. Ambassador

Offline Chief Instructor

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2004, 11:03:28 PM »
We have the same problem with Forrest that Sifu Sin Bin has with his son.

Similar to Sifu #52's situation, sometimes we have a student who is suprised when they realize that Sheryl and I are married. (I'm still waiting for the time when a newer students asks me out while Sheryl is standing there.)

When it comes to promotions of my spouse, I also seek another opinion.

Thanks!
« Last Edit: October 26, 2004, 11:05:20 PM by Andrew Evans »
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Offline Serene

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Re:Training Family Members
« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2004, 11:06:05 AM »
Great responses. I'm sure there are more to come.

I was not aware of the many couples that train or use to train together. Intersting.

Soifua,





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Offline Pacificshore

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Re: Training Family Members
« Reply #13 on: March 22, 2005, 09:22:53 AM »
As much as I would like to pass on my Ken/mpo knowledge to my sons and wife, I found that it may not happen.  I had many of the same difficulties that has been discussed.  However, I am glad that my oldest son does take an interest in MA, therefore he is training at the local karate club in a nearby town.  I told him that he can come to me anytime he's ready to learn the Ken/mpo art.  When or if that day ever comes....then GREAT, but if it doesn't and he's still practicing the karate he's learning, then that's GREAT too ;D
Gene R.
Kara-Ho Kempo

Sensei Mike

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Re: Training Family Members
« Reply #14 on: June 22, 2006, 12:36:06 PM »
I used to train my daughter, when I was teaching jujitsu and tae kwon do. But during classes she would goof off. A couple of the older students told me that she would only mess around when she thought I might be looking in her direction. However, when I was turned away from her she would perform the techniques just fine. I talked with her about it but the behavior continued. Also, because she was my daughter she thought she could automatically tell everyone else what to do. I suppose she believed in her mind that because she is my daughter that she was allowed special privileges. When in reality it was just the opposite.

Thankfully, I found Guangxi Martial Arts, by chance. But, that’s another story.

Since, I am spending most my time focusing on my kaju training with Sigung Dan Tyrrell; I haven't had the time to teach anyone. When Dan opened his new school closer to my house I asked my daughter and my older son if they would like to take classes. They both jumped at the chance and are really enjoying their training.

Dan is really good with the kids, and he has more patience than I do when it comes to teaching my children.

Dan, Thank You.