It seems that society is stuck on discipline =s spanking and hitting. I don’t believe in spanking, advocate against it and didn’t do it with my sons. And if some teacher had hit my kids I’d probably have to get a lawyer because I’d be at that teacher’s throat. I was raised in the 50s and 60s and spanking was par for the course for most folks in the neighborhood. OTOH, my brother and I, like a number of kids were on the extreme and spankings were beatings and abusive.
HOWEVER: I do believe in discipline, consequences and consistency. If you say you’re going to do something if your kid acts up, then you better do it. If you’re kid acts up they need to know they have to answer to you. My kids didn’t act up in school cause they had to answer to me and their dad. And no, their dad didn’t believe in spanking them either. Heck, I was the disciplinarian in our household.
So no, I didn’t hit my kids as a regular way of disciplining them. I can count five times between the two of them when I lost control of my temper, was angry and popped them on the head or the legs. I apologized each time, told them I was angry and should’ve found a better way to handle it. The key words here are loss of control and anger—mine.
So yeah, like the father who dumped that stuff on his daughter’s lap and took away all the goodies, parents have to start getting creative and find out what works on their kids. Deducting my older son’s allowance was a big deal for him; didn’t matter to the younger one so I had to find something else to let him know he needed to do his chores. Grounding him was effective cause he liked to hang out with his friends. There was one time my son threatened to call child protective services when he was about 13 or 14 cause he couldn’t do something and I told him if he liked I’d call them for him. I also explained what would happen to him if he did call CPS.
As far as I’m concerned, all spanking and hitting does is teach kids that’s how you solve problems—hit the person. Next thing you know, they’re grown up and they’re hitting their partners or spouse or somebody who’s getting on their nerves. Anybody who has kids has got to know that it takes a lot of work. You have to be there for them all the time. You have to take time off from work if need be. You got to know what they’re up to when they’re not at home and not at school. You got to know who their friends are and who their friend's parents are. Being a parent is having a second job if you’re not a stay-at-home mom or dad. And you got to earn their respect as soon as they know who you are cause it works both ways.
Kids look for boundaries, want the boundaries and test the boundaries. We’re supposed to set the boundaries and help them deal with whatever’s going on with them. They need outlets for their natural energy and aggression. We need to help provide it for them. For my kids it was martial arts, baseball, football, bowling, writing, designing sneakers, video games, hanging out with their friends, etc.
And BTW, Sibak Rob, feminism has done more than any other movement to stop abuse of all kinds to children, adults, the disabled, same sex and gender choice, and the elderly. If a man feels “castrated” by a woman sticking up for her rights and those who are targeted because they are perceived as “less than”, maybe he ought to consider just what a man is. And besides, men don’t have a monopoly on burping, farting, drinking and aggression.
with respect,
